I have just started adding my plays to TES (over 400)!but this will take time! All my assemblies/class plays and guided reading scripts are on www.plays-r-ussell.com and I am happy to write on request. I have converted the entire History Key Stage II curriculum into play format - and much of the other subjects such as Science, Geography, PSHE etc. I cover events such as the Olympics and have received great feedback from teachers around the world! Writing is my passion - hope you enjoy my work!
I have just started adding my plays to TES (over 400)!but this will take time! All my assemblies/class plays and guided reading scripts are on www.plays-r-ussell.com and I am happy to write on request. I have converted the entire History Key Stage II curriculum into play format - and much of the other subjects such as Science, Geography, PSHE etc. I cover events such as the Olympics and have received great feedback from teachers around the world! Writing is my passion - hope you enjoy my work!
Collection I of Fairy Tale Quickies!
Short, Small Cast Fairy Tale Plays for Key Stage I
Nice n Quick – Easy to deliver
There are longer versions of these fairy tale plays but this collection is just of the quickie variety! i.e. around 5 minutes which can be extended depending on the amount of ‘performance’/sophistication of props.
The idea of these scripts is to give teachers of Key Stage I children the opportunity to put on quick, easy to deliver ‘plays’/assemblies. These scripts provide a starting point: a set of ‘templates’ which can be adapted to the needs/levels of the children. The script can be changed/the language simplified or omitted – or the reverse, as in more content added, level of text ‘upped’.
A rough indication is given of whether the script best suits lower or upper Key Stage I but it is really for the teacher to choose the best ‘match’ for her children.
Oh and they all have slightly different endings! Lessons, I hope, in good manners!
The Old Woman and the Pig - cast of 10 (lower Key Stage I)
Old Woman (Teacher) Water
Pig Horse
Dog Rope
Stick Rat
Fire Cat
The Three Little Pigs – cast of 6 (upper Key Stage I – and there is another longer version, upper Key Stage I/Lower Key Stage II – 10 mins – that is also available)
Narrator Mother Pig
Little Pig One Big Bad Wolf
Little Pig Two
Little Pig Three
Goldilocks and the Three Bears – cast of 5 (lower Key Stage I)
Narrator Daddy Bear
Goldilocks Baby Bear
Mummy Bear
The Three Billy Goats Gruff – cast of 5 (upper Key Stage I; a longer version, upper KSI – 10 mins – is also available)
Narrator Large Billy Goat
Small Billy Goat Troll
Medium Billy Goat
The Princess and the Pea - Cast of 6 (lower Key Stage I; a longer version, upper KSI – 10 mins – is also available)
Narrator King
Prince Maid
Princess Queen
Chicken Licken Script
Cast of 8 (It is suggested the teacher takes the role of the narrator)
Duration: Around 5 minutes – before *the extension
This script covers the story of Chicken Licken and deals with the theme of over-reacting to a scary situation … such as an acorn landing on your head! It also refers to the need to think for yourself – not just following the crowd.
*The extension has been added to deal more directly with ‘fear’ as a theme. This is given comprehensive coverage in the KS II version of this play; but, as fear and anxiety are so prevalent at the moment, I thought it should be included even for those as young as KS I. Its inclusion is discretionary/down to the teacher – it could of course otherwise be used in the classroom as an additional resource.
Circus Assembly for Key Stage One
Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down. Role of Narrator taken by Class Teacher.
Duration: 10 - 15 minutes
This script is suitable for both upper and lower Key Stage I. Whereas the first half is on the history of circuses, there are lots of jokes to cheer up our Sad Clown for younger children in the second half - plus ample opportunities for ‘the performance of a lifetime’!
This script is a kind of template - it can be used for any size class and be expanded to any length of time.
Oh, and did I mention Health and Safety?!
Sample Text:
Fire breather: Look at what fire breathers do!
(Fire breather breathes out fire)
(Everyone gasps and applauds; Narrator rushes on with fire extinguisher)
Narrator: Hey! Health and safety! Health and safety! Stop this now!
Sword swallower: And then there’s my act (holding up sword)
Narrator: (Intervening quickly) I have no idea what you intend doing with that sword – but not here, not now!
Sword swallower: But I was only going to swallow it (pauses) like this!
Narrator: (Shrieking) Stop now! That’s way too dangerous!
(Whole cast groans)
Sad Clown: You see? Always some health and safety spoilsport around these days to ruin our fun!
(Circus juggler walks up and down, juggling)
Narrator: Now, that’s more like it! Plenty of skill, no danger!
(Stilt walker walks up and down)
Narrator: (Applauding) Bravo!
(Contortionist and ‘Strong man’ perform, Narrator watching anxiously)
(Everyone gasps and applauds; Narrator rushes on with First Aid Kit)
Narrator: This really won’t do! What have I said about health and safety?
(Lion roars loudly)
Pet Care Assembly for Key Stage I
This script is a totally moveable feast! The cast consists of Narrator (Class Teacher) plus 30 pets - the number and type of pets can, of course, be changed to match any class requirement.
Although it is full of humorous moments, the message behind it is a serious one - that of taking the business of pet care itself seriously.
The length of this performance is around 10 - 15 minutes *plus - allowing for ‘parade’ and ‘additions’ from children themselves i.e. information about their particular pets. It could potentially be double this length depending on how much additional information and suggested poetry is included.
Great fun. Would love to see this performed!
Sample Text:
Narrator: You see, pets do take a lot of looking after. They are a big responsibility! (Pauses) What do you think is the most important part of looking after a pet?
Child 4: Making it happy?
Narrator: Correct!
Child 5: And healthy!
Narrator: Well done! So, you have to do a lot of homework before you even choose a pet.
Child 6: Sounds like being at school!
Child 7: Having a pet is meant to be fun!
Narrator: But it’s no fun for your pet if it’s not looked after properly. Take that Great Dane, for example.
(‘Great Dane’ stands up)
Child 8: He’d take a lot of feeding!
Narrator: Correct! Big dogs like big meals! But that’s not all!
Child 9: He’ll need a lot of exercise!
Child 10: Long walks!
Narrator: Two or three times a day! He won’t want to be left inside by himself all day!
(Great Dane shakes his head in agreement and sits down)
Narrator: Animals have needs, just like us! And we need to respect their needs! Maybe someone could share with us, how they look after their pet?
Child 11: I have two guinea pigs called Bill and Ben!
Narrator: Two guinea pigs?
Child 11: Yes, they like company!
Narrator: And where do you keep them?
Child 11: In a hutch with a nice grassy run. They also have cardboard boxes and pipes to hide in if they get frightened.
St. George and The Dragon Assembly - Key Stage One
Slightly alternative version, this one, with just one knight in shining armour amongst 14 pairs of princesses and dragons!
You could say, speed dating with a difference!
Whatever way you look at it, the outcome is very different from the usual version of the story.
The cast is adaptable to any size class - just adjust the number of princesses and dragons!
Duration: around 10 - 15 minutes (Reading time just 5 minutes but this does not allow for music suggestions and ‘parade’).
Sample Text:
Princess 1: (Interrupting whilst preening herself) I’m the beautiful princess!
St. George: (Looking unimpressed) Oh, really?
Princess 1: (Stamping her foot angrily) Yes, really!
(To St. George) And who are you?
St. George: St. George, since you ask!
Princess 1: (Shrieking) No! There must be some mistake!
Narrator: Sorry? What do you mean?
Princess 1: Well, look at him! He’s meant to be handsome!
St. George: And you’re meant to be?(pauses) … what was it? Oh yes, beautiful?
(St. George and Princess 1 stand glaring at each other)
Narrator: Now! Now! This will never do! As hero and heroine, you are meant to be in love!
Princess 1: No way!
St. George: Not likely!
Narrator: (Clutching head and holding up notes) Oh for goodness sake! How am I going to make this work?
St. George: Start with the dragon!
(Aside to audience, pointing at Princess 1) And I don’t mean her!
The Clothes We Wear Assembly including The Emperor’s New Clothes
Key Stage I
This class play or assembly has a look at our normal wardrobes - for summer and winter clothing plus a dip into the world of fashion. In the case of the latter, one rather important lesson delivered via the mini play within this script - on The Emperor’s New Clothes - is ‘Beware personal vanity’ - it can get you into all sorts of trouble!
Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down (Class Teacher as Narrator)
Duration - from around 10 minutes (not including music suggestions and ‘fashion show’ - these could easily double the performance!
KS II Scripts on Fashion/Emperor’s New Clothes also available (see below)
Sample Text:
Music 2 You’re so Vain – Carly Simon
(Enter Fashion Designer, strutting up and down, like a model on a catwalk)
Narrator: (Indignantly) Excuse me! But would you mind explaining who you are?
Fashion Designer: Certainly! I am here as a special guest today. You see, as a fashion designer I know everything about clothes!
Narrator: Oh really? (To audience) And rather less about good manners!
Fashion Designer: Well, I really didn’t think I’d need an invite! I thought you’d be delighted to see me!
(Narrator ushers Fashion Designer back to his/her seat)
Narrator: Well, of course. Here. Take a seat and then maybe we can catch up later!
(Consulting notes) Now. Where were we? Ah yes, let’s take a look at some of these clothes!
Music 3 Summer Holidays – Cliff Richards
(Enter Summer Clothes Children, 1 – 6)
Narrator: (To Summer 1 & 2)
Wow! I can see you’re all ready for the beach!
Summer 1: We certainly are! (Pointing to each article of clothing) I’m wearing a sundress, flip flops, and these glasses and hat to protect me against the sun!
Sample Text from ‘mini play’ - The Emperor’s New Clothes:
(Two scoundrels set up their looms)
Narrator: And so, all they had to do was take the money! They didn’t have to sew a stitch!
Scoundrel 2: That’s right. Just tell that emperor what he wanted to hear
Narrator: That he looked gorgeous?
(Both scoundrels nod)
Scoundrel 1: And what did that make us?
Scoundrel 2: Rich!
Autumn Assembly for Key Stage I
One of a set of assemblies on the Seasons.
Cast of 30 - easily adjustable up or down. It is suggested that the class teacher takes the role of narrator.
Duration - around 10 minutes but can be extended with inclusion of list of suggested poems
Swallows, squirrels, deer, bats, .... children! Our narrator certainly has his work cut out keeping this assembly under control! Ever tried keeping a hibernating hedgehog or two sleepy dormice awake? Or silencing a flock of Brent Geese? Just two of the tasks facing our, as always, seriously challenged narrator!
Sample Text:
(Dormice curl up together and drop off to sleep)
Narrator: Hey you two! Not yet! Wake up!
(Both dormice yawn and stretch sleepily)
Dormouse 1: Is it April yet?
Dormouse 2: I think I’ll leave it to May this year!
Dormice: (Together) Yeah! Let’s have a lie in!
Narrator: You most certainly will not! Do I look like a Dormouse babysitter? Be off with you!
(Exit Bats and Dormice)
(Enter Hedgehog, making loud snuffling noises; he collects up some of the leaves left behind by the children, makes a nest of them and lies down in the middle)
Narrator: Aha! And who do we have here? Our first hibernating hedgehog!
Hedgehog: (Huffily getting out ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign and placing it next to his nest) Can’t you read?
Narrator: You’re a bit early! It’s not November yet!
Hedgehog: So? (Putting on night cap)
(Rubbing tummy) I’ve done enough eating! I’m ready for sleep!
Spring Assembly
This is the first of a series of Seasons Assemblies written for Key Stage I. This first one covers 20 plus 'first signs of spring' and includes a reference to the first chapter of Wind in the Willows, with Mole and Rat extolling the joys of the riverbank!
Cast of 30 (easily adaptable up or down) It is suggested that the class teacher takes the role of narrator.
Duration: Around 10 – 15 minutes including poems and music suggestions
Sample Text:
(Young animals ‘run rings around’ Narrator who gets increasingly exasperated)
Narrator: (Sighing) Huh! I was forgetting those young animals!
(Narrator jumping out of their way)
Narrator: Oh dear! Is it just me or does it suddenly seem a bit crowded around here?
Mother Rabbit: But didn’t you say, you loved Spring?
Narrator: Oh yes! But ..
(Bunnies and lambs keep jumping up at Narrator)
Narrator: (To Mother Rabbit and Mother Sheep) Could you not keep your offspring under slightly better control?
(Mother Rabbit and Mother Sheep ‘round up’ their offspring and return to their seats, scowling)
Narrator: Oh dear! And there I was saying how much I loved Spring! But it’s not just about baby animals, you know!
(Enter Child 6 dressed as Mole and Child 7 as Rat)
Narrator: Ah! Two of my favourite characters from The Wind in the Willows!
Mole: (Bowing) I’m Mole! Very pleased to meet you!
Rat: And I’m Rat! Known as Ratty to my friends
Fairy Tales Assembly for Key Stage I
(Numerous alternative fairy tale plays available for Key Stage II)
This assembly or class play is based upon the following fairy tales:
· Sleeping Beauty
· Cinderella
· Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
· The Three Little Pigs
· Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Cast of 30 (easily adaptable up or down)
Duration
Around 10 minutes reading time (without inclusion of music suggestions)
Quite an eye-opener this one - for our narrator, at least! It would seem you really can’t judge a book by its cover - well, certainly not when you're dealing with these fairy tale characters!
Sample Text:
Music 6 Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf
(Wolf suddenly jumps out from hiding, bringing cheerful singing to an abrupt halt)
Wolf: (Grinning) Ha! Not so full of yourselves now, huh?
Little Pig 1: (Hiding behind Little Pig 3) You don’t frighten me!
Little Pig 2: (Hiding behind Little Pig 3) You can’t bully us!
Wolf: (Laughing) Oh really?
(Wolf lets out a huge growl and all three little pigs ‘run for their lives’)
Wolf: (Laughing) Whose afraid now?
Narrator: Now, that really wasn’t very nice of you!
Wolf: (Repeating, incredulously) Nice of me? Whoever heard of a nice Big Bad Wolf?
Narrator: But you’re not really big and bad, are you?
Wolf: Of course not! But (pointing to the audience) I have to keep this lot happy, don’t I?
Narrator: You mean, being big and bad is what is expected of you?
Wolf: Of course! It’s all an act!
Narrator: (Clapping) Well, you’re very convincing! And (looking at audience) I for one am mighty relieved he’s not as bad as you all think he is!
(Wolf shakes hands with narrator, growls savagely at audience, and exits)
Narrator: Ah! I do so love happy endings! Me still being alive, that is!
Awe and Wonder Assembly
Key Stage I (5 – 7 yrs)
Cast of 30 - easily adaptable up or down.
Duration - around 10 minutes reading time (not including music suggestions and songs). Longer performance easy - with simple addition of more information.
Special guests to this class play: two superheroes - invited along to witness 'awesome' and 'wonderful' aka Nature and its superpowers - Who or what can beat a spider's artistry, a rainbow's beauty, the miracle of a butterfly and ... a great Milky Way!
Awe and Wonder Assembly/Class Play available for Key Stage II (7 – 11yrs) – on Seven Natural Wonders of the World (Grand Canyon, Great Coral Reef etc).
As a special offer, FREE with purchase of this script - a set of lovely photos taken at last year's Sensational Butterflies Exhibition at the Natural History Museum. Drop me a line at sue@plays-r-ussell.com
Sample Text:
(Enter 4 children in pyjamas)
Narrator: Looks like you lot are ready for bed!
Child 12: (Pointing up) Star gazing!
Child 13: That’s what we’re doing!
Child 14: (Sighing) They’re so beautiful!
Child 15: (To Narrator) Care to join us?
Narrator: Don’t mind if I do! What can you see?
(As Narrator is gazing upwards, children share out chocolates among themselves; Narrator suddenly realises he has been ‘duped’)
Narrator: Hey! Give me those chocolates!
Child 12: But we’re about to tell you about them!
Child 13: This one is the name of a group of stars – a galaxy!
Child 14: This one is the galaxy we live in – the Milky Way!
Narrator: (To Child 15) And this one?
Child 15: Well, this one isn’t really a star. It’s a planet – Mars!
Narrator: (Taking Mars bar) Well, I’d better have that one, then!
(To audience, aside) My favourite!
Love Is .... Assembly
This class play on Love looks at what love means to each of us.
Although it was written for Key Stage I (5 – 7 year olds) it can easily be adapted for use at Key Stage II (7 – 11 year olds) - the playlist of 10 suggested songs will be enjoyed by all ages.
For scripts specific to Valentine’s Day, check out Sue Russell’s alternative Romeo and Juliet scripts.
Cast of 25 - easily adapted up or down.
Duration - around 15 - 20 mins (potential of doubling this with all music choices)
Sample Text:
(Enter Child 10, carrying a puppy)
Music 7 Puppy Love – Donny Osmond
Narrator: Ahh! (Gestures for everyone else to go ‘Ahhh!’)
Who can resist a puppy?
(Exit Child 10 plus puppy)
(Enter Child 11, skipping)
Narrator: Wow! Great skipping! You obviously love it!
Child 11: And it’s good for me!
(Exit Child 11, smiling happily)
Narrator: Yes, any form of exercise is good for you!
(Enter Child 12)
Music 8 Can’t Stop the Feeling – Justin Timberlake
(Whole cast singing and dancing)
Narrator: And why do you love dancing so much?
Child 12: How can you not love dancing?
(Exit Child 12 smiling)
Narrator: (Trying a few moves) Well, it is good exercise!
(Enter Child 13, eating large bar of chocolate)
Music 9 Sugar Sugar - The Archies
Narrator: Hmm. I’m not sure this is quite so good for you!
Child 13: Oh, but I just love chocolate! Who doesn’t?
(Exit Child 13)
Narrator: (Rubbing tummy) Mmmm. Beginning to feel a bit hungry!
(Enter Child 14, reading ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’)
Nursery Rhymes Assembly for Key Stage One
Cast Size: 25 easily adjusted up or down (Class teacher taking role of Narrator)
Duration: Around 5 – 10 minutes
This assembly is based on 10 nursery rhymes and, as explained in the production notes, can be seen as a template - adding or replacing rhymes as you see fit.
There is a longer assembly available (around 15 - 20 minutes) which has a choice of 20 nursery rhymes - this one is called Nursery Rhymes Assembly Extended Version - and this could also be used by Key Stage II or used as a combined production, between both Key Stages - i.e. as a collaborative piece. Please note: the first half of the extended assembly uses the original 10 rhyme script i.e. just adds on.
Sample Text:
Narrator: What is that noise?
(Enter cat playing fiddle, followed by cow holding moon; dog; and dish holding a spoon)
(Whole cast recites rhyme; characters acting out the lines)
Hey Diddle Diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon;
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away
With the spoon.
(Exit cat, cow, dog and dish)
(Everyone uncovers their ears)
Narrator: Oh thank goodness for that. I mean, don’t get me wrong – we all like a little music … but not quite like that!
(Enter Little Miss Muffet)
(Whole cast recites rhyme; characters acting out the lines)
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey;
(Enter Spider)
There came a big spider,
Who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
(Exit Little Miss Muffet and Spider)
Narrator: (Cowering behind children) Has it gone? Is it safe to come out yet?
Whole cast: (Sighing) Yes. The spider’s gone, Miss!
(Narrator returns to her former place)
Narrator: Huh! Well, that’s fine then. (Pauses) Not that I was ever scared of that wee spider! Nah – just acting along with Miss Muffet there!
(Whole cast look at each other, shaking heads)
Narrator: (Coughing) Any how! Moving on.
(Enter Old Mother Hubbard and her dog)
Narrator: Ah! A dear old lady and her wee doggie.
(Whole cast recites rhyme; characters acting out the lines)
Old Mother Hubbard
She went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor dog a bone,
But when she got there,
The cupboard was bare,
And so the poor dog had none.
(Collective sympathetic sigh from the Cast)
Narrator: Oh dear! Oh we can’t have that!
(Narrator rummages around in her handbag and comes up with a bone)
(Narrator holds up bone to dog which bounds over to Narrator in delight, barking happily, jumping up and down, and trying to lick her face)
The Easter Egg Hunt Assembly for Key Stage 1
This is a class play/assembly lasting about 10 minutes, based on the same nine birds as used in the Key Stage II version but with a further 21 feathery friends to make up the numbers - to 30.
Sample Text
Rude Robin: (Huffily) And mine! Mind you don't drop it!
Posh Pigeon: I'm sure you'll be delighted with this one!
Polite Peacock: Please accept this. No need to thank me!
Boastful Buzzard: Here's the best of the lot!
Happy Hawk: Happy to be of service!
Crazy Cuckoo: You'd have to be cuckoo not to take mine!
Weepy Woodpecker: (Weeping) Oh woe! When will I see you again, little egg?
Kind Kingfisher: There, there! (To Weepy Woodpecker) Here's another handkerchief for you! (To Clumsy Chicken) And an egg for you!
Serious Stork: (Very seriously) Take great care! This is serious business!
Pretty Polly Parrot: Pretty Polly! Pretty Polly! Here's a pretty egg for you!
Flamboyant Flamingo: Here we are! My very best!
Gracious Grouse: Please accept this!
Cranky Crow: (Crankily) Take this! Can I go now?
Bored Blackbird: (Yawning) Yeah! How much more?
Thoughtful Thrush: Now, now! A little patience! I think you'll find we're nearly done!
Dim Dove: Where did you want it?
Loud Lark: (Shouting) Right there! In that basket! Here, watch me! (Demonstrating) Easy, huh?
Outspoken Owl: About time! This is the last time I'm standing at the end of the line!
Hoarse Humming bird: (Humming) Here you are!
Miserable Magpie: (Whining) Last but not least! What a wait!
Great Artists Assembly or Class Play - Key Stage I
Bruegel and Lowry Script
Cast Size - 30 - easily adaptable up or down
Duration - around 10 - 15 minutes depending on time spent on children's own artwork. (There is a section of the script dedicated to children showing and describing their own work - this section can be omitted thus reducing duration to around 5 - 10 minutes)
Sample Script
Bruegel: Oh well! Let me tell you now! I had to disguise myself as a peasant
Child 12: Why?
Bruegel: Oh so that I could see what it was like …. being a peasant!
Child 13: And what was it like – being a peasant?
Bruegel: Well, I try to show that in my paintings.
Teacher: You see, children. Up to this time, only kings and queens and people with lots of money were painted.
Narrator: Lucky for us Bruegel came along – and showed us how the poor people lived!
(Bruegel goes back to work at his easel)
(Lowry looks up from his work, and stands up)
Lowry: So did I!
Narrator: Pardon?
Lowry: I also showed what it was like to be a worker!
(Narrator walks over and holds up Lowry painting, to show cast and audience)
Child 14: (To Teacher) That’s like the pictures you showed us, Miss!
Teacher: Quite so!
Child 15: They show us how people lived in the industrial cities of England.
Child 16: Smoking factories
Child 17: Long streets
Child 18: Long people!
Narrator: Pardon?
Child 19: Oh, he means – the people look a bit like matchstick men!
Lowry: (Laughing) That was my style!
This script is one of the Famous People Series based on the lives of significant individuals in the past who have contributed to national and international achievements, comparing aspects of life in different periods. This list of ‘greats’ includes:
· Queens - Elizabeth I and Victoria
· Explorers - Christopher Columbus and Neil Armstrong
· Inventors - William Caxton and Tim Berners-Lee
· Women: (i) In Civil Rights - Rosa Parks and Emily Davison
(ii) Nurses - Florence Nightingale, Mary Seacole and Edith Cavell.
I am happy to write on alternative individuals as per my 'write on request' service - so please drop me a line on sue@plays-r-ussell.com
Seaside Assembly Key Stage I
- based on Unit 4 Geography: Going to the Seaside
and
*Unit 3 History: What were seaside holidays like in the past?
Cast of 30: Teacher, Class plus 'helpers' - in case of Grandpa Brown, not entirely clear who is helping who!
Duration: Around 15 - 20 minutes including music suggestions.
This assembly takes us from the classroom, onto the coach, to the seaside - and back again! Granny and Grandpa Brown provide us with some insights into 'trips to the seaside in their time'. And there is the usual smattering of great songs ... and extremely bad jokes!
If you're planning a trip to the seaside, jump on board this one for some useful tips!
Sample Text:
Child 17 (boy): Sharks!
(Some of the girls start screaming)
Teacher: Stop! Enough, boys! (To girls) They’re just teasing! Nothing for you to worry about! And you won’t be going anywhere near the sea anyway. Why is that?
Child 18: Coz it’s too cold, this time of year, Sir?
Child 19: Coz you forgot your swimming trunks, Sir?
Teacher: (Impatiently) No, no. Nothing like that! Think ‘safety’, children!
Child 20: There could be nasty strong currents, sir!
Grandpa Brown: Currants? Mmm! And raisins? Oh, yes please. I am feeling a little peckish!
Teacher: (Clutching head in exasperation) No, currents as in moving water!
(To Child 20) You’re right! We have to be careful not to go in the water
Child 21: Because of sharks?
(Girls start screaming again)
Teacher: No, no, no! No sharks! We’ll be staying on the beach